I am Holding on Lord, Please be Strong for Us for We are Weak

"Life will bring you ups and downs, twists & turns, and good and bad times. If you have faith & trust in Him.. Everything will be as its suppose to and you will have nothing to fear. God never gives you anything you can't handle & always remember things can change in a blink of an eye.. So if things are going wrong.. Hold on, stay strong.. Know there is a better plan and you are loved always."

It’s not easy… - Yes Lord!

I am feeling down really today knowing about how my hubby reacted to his pain again that instead of trusting more to God, he complains. It is always like this and it is not easy because I am hurting.

I found this very nice message while browsing my facebook entitled It's not easy.
source: http://godsgracefulness.com/?p=2510

Yesterday night as my family was praying, holding hands, all eyes closed, head bowed, got me thinking how this earth is filled with so much pain, hurt, and sorrow. We didn’t pray much for our need because we are so grateful for everything. We prayed for hurting family, friends who are sick with cancer, friends who are struggling to get by each day, wondering which bills to pay first.  It was heart wrenching to the point I felt a grip on my heart. I could barely swallow. My heart grieved, it pounded so fast as if tears started dripping out of my heart.

My mind trying to grasp  all that is going in our surrounding in HOPE that God will rescue all people and deliver us. I don’t know about you, but anytime I hear bad news about a close loved one or friends my heart sinks, eyes filled with tears and my world stops turning for 60 seconds and I lose sight of who God is for that moment. It’s so easy to forget who He is in the midst of our pain, isn’t it?

We all want our close loved one to experience peace, joy, contentment, and enjoy life to its fullest. I know I do. However, I need to remember to hand over my grief, broken heart, and my tears into His loving hands, making sure I don’t carry it with me. Beauty for ashes.  Psalm 56:8 – You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. Tears are seeds that’s being deeply planted into His soil so it may reap a wonderful harvest.

Let’s trust God during these hard times. Your tears, heart aches, brokenness, pains, trials are being sown! In God’s timing He will do what is right and not what we want Him to do. But during these trying times He will take us by our hands and walk with us, His arms around our shoulders to comfort us. He will never walk away leaving us to ourselves. We just need to trust in Him. His arms are wide open and waiting for us to walk right up to Him in brokenness so we can accept every good thing He has for us.

Hear my prayer, O LORD, and give ear to my cry; Do not be silent at my tears; Psalm 39:12

Thank You Lord for this inspiring message. Please help me and my hubby Lord. Transform us to the couple you want us to be. We have weakness Lord and please be our strength. Give us wisdom, knowledge and understanding on the things that are happening right now. I can't make it alone Lord without You.
I am crying right now, I am in pain and don't know until when this will be over.  Help me Lord. I am weak. I can't take my hubby complaining always about his pain and blaming it to You. Lord, You are the only one can transform him, pls do Lord. Please let him not be tempted again by satan. Keep my hubby Lord from temptations for he is weak right now especially he is suffering from this horrible disease. Please Lord. Thank You Lord. I am sorry for my thinking today.

I Can't Handle it No More

Lord, I'm tired. Honestly Lord, it was me alone I had given up already. Hubby is not changing Lord and he is not improving especially his relationship with You. Everytime he experienced pain, he always complains and blame it to You. Sometimes I am telling myself that I was wrong in choosing the guy I married because I prayed for a God fearing person but my hubby is not because I thought and believed that You can change him Lord. Maybe this is really true Lord - the picture below- but I am trying to prove that its not true to all because God can transform a person. I am losing hope Lord because it is been like this, it is a routine and he never change. Sorry Lord but everytime my hubby is acting like that, I am hurting deep inside. Is this a time for me to move on Lord knowing he won't ever change? Which is which Lord? Please help me. Do we stil have hope in our situation? Sorry Lord, I know that You are our hope and You can do the impossible thing. I don't know when You will answer my prayer Lord but You know I still trust You and I don't have anyone to run to - ONLY YOU.

Chemoradiotherapy Side Effects - Lifting it to You Lord

Thank God for these days.. Hubby will start his treatment next month and he shared it to me what the doctor said about the side effects of the therapy. I started to get worry knowing the side effects and that he might wear a bag for life and we can't have a baby no more. I was thinking of the results of the treatment but I told my hubby its okay as long as You will be okay and free from that disease. Lord, you know how started to worry and worried but I know Lord nothing is impossible to You. I am lifting it to You Lord, the most important for now is the healing of my hubby and You know that Father. Thank you so much for everything. 

Chemoradiotherapy side effects

Having chemotherapy and radiotherapy together can make the side effects of the treatments worse. The combined treatment may make you feel very tired. You may also have diarrhoea, feel sick, and have a low resistance to infection. The radiotherapy may make you feel that you need to pass urine more often and can cause very sore skin in the treatment area.

Abdominoperineal resection (APR) has long been considered to be the standard operation for lower rectal tumors with a distal edge up to 6 cm from the anal verge. However, despite providing excellent local control and survival, the APR entails a permanent colostomy and a high incidence of sexual and urinary dysfunction. (See "Overview of surgical procedures for resectable primary rectal cancer", section on 'Abdominal perineal resection'.)

Thanksgiving Day

Today, my US family is celebrating their thanksgiving. There are so many thanks to be grateful to our God today for all the blessings He continues to shower to us and to our families. Thank You so much Lord. Thank you for Your great love that even if how many times we fail You but still You continue to be with us. Thank You Lord for all the blessings. I am counting the blessings You have given us this month alone but its huge.
- MRI result of hubby is good because it didnot spread
- Gov't insurance approval
- Chemo Pills free from social work
- Acceptance of our papers - NOA1
- Meeting of the Oncologist was free
- All the doctors of hubby are good to him - thank you Lord
- A wonderful friend James of hubby from the gym
- Start of hubby's Bible Study with James


and a lot more... Thank You Lord for all the Blessings. I love you Lord.

MRI Result - Did Not Spread - Thank You Lord

Today hubby had his MRI while I was sleeping. I just found out in the morning when I woke up and read his messages. He was so nervous about the result and praise God because the result was good, it didnot spread. Thank You Lord. Hubby told me that when he was in the doctor's office, his friend James called him and said a prayer. I was really amazed how You are working Lord. You are always true to Your promise. Thank You Lord. When I received my hubby's good news, I was thanking God and couldn't help but tears flow from my eyes, tears of joy. Thank You Lord. Thank You Mama Mary for your intercession and St. Peregrine and the saints. Lord, hubby won't start his chemo and radiation until December 10. Lord, we know that You are still in control. Lord, continue to be with my hubby and that praying Lord that the cancer won't spread and that everything will go well with his treatment.  Thank You Lord. All for Your Glory Lord. Thank You Father.

Blessings... Thank You Lord!

Today we received the good news about the chemo pills of my hubby to be free from social work. Then later tonight we received another good news the approval of hubby's insurance from the government. Thank You so much Lord for all the blessings. It seems everything going well with the support Lord but my hubby is not ready Lord. He is so stressed out that his back and neck are in pain, numb and tingling. But I thank You Lord for all the blessings today. Thank You for working with us and giving all our needs. Lord, does my hubby really need to undergo both chemo and radiation therapy at the same time? Please Lord help us and guide them and doctor who will treat my hubby, let them be your instrument Lord God. Praying Lord that the result of the MRI will be a miracle - that the cancer didnot spread and the tumor is gone. Kindly please take away the cancer of my hubby Lord. Only You Lord can take it away in a snap. You know the desire of our hearts Lord. Sorry Lord for sometimes we wanted things to happen in an instant and not on your timing. Sorry Lord for all those times. Thank You Lord once again for everything and for providing the things that my hubby needs.
Lord,  I'm asking you again for another favor to please show my hubby and me what You wanted us to do for you. Lord, you know how stressed he is right now. Please teach him how to manage his stress Lord before the start of the treatment if that is Your will. Lord, he is having numbness and tingling on his back and neck and the stress is killing him, please show him Lord what to do to handle the stress. Thank You Lord. Tomorrow they will going to see the doctor of radiation. Be with them again Lord as You always do. Thank You Lord. Than You Father.